The Tenth Month

Our brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first baby any day now.

Brad asked his brother if they were having it any time soon, to which the response was,




"We'd better have something happen! (pause) How was Mel when she was pregnant?"



The reason being, his wife is a might uncomfortable. Her "official" due date was May 1 and she is officially termed, "post-dates".



Why doctors even give you an EDD or come up with stupid terms to make you feel so horrible in the most uncomfortable, depressing time of your life, I really don't know.



The worst is surely when other people stick their feet in their mouths. Like why they say, "Oh, you're still pregnant?" When they see out walking around trying to take your mind off things. Or, "I thought you'd have had your baby by now! Gosh, what's taking it so long?" "Being over due must be really hard! All my babies came early."



Any one have a shot gun? (For the insensitive people and the pregnant woman.)



Why other people (especially women who've had babies) are so clueless about what to say or do to make you feel better at this time, I don't know either.



I do know what it is like to be in that tenth month of pregnancy. Whether you are still a week or so from your all important and (most certainly) perfectly accurate due date, or a day or two weeks "post-dates". It's all the same. Absolutely miserable. And really, it doesn't matter if you still have two weeks left, people still think you were due a month or two before anyway and act the same (clearly March sounds exactly like May).




You're fat, depressed, sleep deprived, the pain is incredible, and of course those wonderful hormones are having a hay day with you and those who dare cross your path.



Jayden was my wolf in sheep's clothing. The pregnancy was fairly easy. The first trimester came and went almost without me knowing it--truly. I hadn't inteneded to get pregnant so early pregnancy symptoms were passed off as some pelvic disorders. My origianl due date was moved up about 10 days at the early ultrasound. And the pregnancy itself didn't get unbearable until about 37 weeks.



I remember refusing to believe that he would come out early or even on time because I wanted to be around for July 4th and get the paid vacation time that everyone else would get.



But, he decided to pop the bag of water the night before Brad's final biochemistry exam and make his appearance a few weeks early.




The labor and delivery went as well as could be expected and when it was over we had a gorgeous little boy weighing 6lbs, 12 ozs. How much more perfect could you get? (Okay, so I was a little bummed about not getting that paid day off and Brad would have preferred sitting with his class for his exam, but considering how swollen I was and all those funky rashes I was getting, I was pretty happy.)



It set me up for misery though.




My second pregnancy was rough. I was laying in bed, sick up unitl about 6 months at which time, I completed my pregnancy . . . at least mentally. When most expectant mothers start buying their "full blown" mat clothes, I was online shopping for size 6 swim suits. I had had enough.




Jackson was due at the end of May, so naturally I had family calling in March to see if I had had my baby yet.




And since Jayden had came early I had to be prepared for the good possibility that my next baby would come early too. After a rough pregnancy and mentally being done, I had focused on the 38 week date as my "due date".




The pelvic pain was horrible this time. From about 32 weeks on I was crying every night in bed, and most mornings I could not even roll out of bed it was so bad. I stopped going out in public due to the pain, and in part due to how miserable I was. This made things worse because when people didn't see me the assumed I had delivered my baby.




"Hi! Congratulations! Oh, I thought you had had your baby and that's why I didn't see you on Sunday."




And then they told businesses that I had had a baby.




"Hello, this is Baby Photographer. We hope you and your baby are doing well. We're going to be in your area tomorrow and were wondering if we could take your baby's photo?"




"Sure, come on over. Although, I really don't think you can fit your camera up there!@*#@!"




Oh, the phone calls were so uplifting that I stopped answering the phone. And I still had at least 2 weeks before the "offical" date.



The EDD came and went and not without any progress. I had had lots of contractions. Tons, in fact. Jackson had even moved down during them. But people so lovingly remind you that it is all false labour. In great desperation I went into the midwives office to see if it was against code to have my husband try his hand at surgery with our Henckels knives. They set up an induction date instead and gave me some good advice on how to "hang in there" until the date.




Well, after a good night's rest I woke up at 5am with a runner's stitch that turned into transition pains within an hour. We barely made it to the hospital before Jackson popped out.




It seems as though all my false labour had made the big day a lot shorter and easier. And weighing the 9 lbs butterball had reassured me that the pain and misery I had been experiencing was not my imagination.




Jackson had redeemed himself. Such an awful pregnancy, but such a wonderful labour and delivery . . . and I felt absolutely amazing after it all. Like I could give birth all over again. Or climb a mountain. (And I probably would have if the hospital staff hadn't held me hostage until 6pm that day.)




After two very different experiences I was well seasoned for Avery. I knew to expect the one thing I was not preparing for. And since we were planning a home birth, it was a little scary because you really need a nice, easy labour for something like that.




I didn't listen to the due dates. I had my estimated date--the end of September, early October, but apart from making it to "14 weeks" I didn't care much about dates. Which was good because I had about five ranging over about 2.5 weeks. I also didn't have much time to care or feel sick with two little boys running around.




In fact, it wasn't until I was about 34 weeks that I discovered that they had my due date a week earlier than my own. Brad had to come into the apointment with me to discuss a home birth and happened to ask what the EDD was.




But somehow, inspite of telling everyone a much later date, even from the start, that newer date seemed so appealing to cling to as the last month woes came on.




Especially when at my apointments they would check me and give me a swipe, saying, "I'm sure we'll be at your house in a day or so."




And even more so when I would return the following week to their disbelief saying, "You're still around?? I thought for sure you'd have had your baby last weekend!"




A few weeks of this and the EDD came and went. My chart was marked, "post-dates". It was really demoralizing. I felt like I had been branded with a "loser" stamp right across my forehead.




We set up the induction date, which was pretty disappointing for me. I had tried to avoid the hospital this time, but getting induced would make me go in for sure. At the same time, the misery was getting worse. Since Jayden had started kindergarten, seeing all those other mothers twice daily all asking, "When is your baby going to come? She's really taking her time!" was getting the best of me.




The day before the induction date came as well. A horrible feeling! Somehow everyone makes you feel like a freak for not birthing your baby early, or at least by your due date.



I had packed my bags for the hospital and was going to take my kids over to a friend's the night before but figured I would have a few hours before I needed to be in the hospital so I could do it in the morning.




Well, as luck would have it, at 2 am the labour pains came. My poor friend had to drive out to our house at 3am to steal my kids away in the middle of the night. By 5am Avery was in my arms. (And I must note that none of the midwives noticed any kind of post-date qualities about her--apart from being 9 lbs, so all you post-date ladies, don't despair! Your EDD could be wrong.)




It took me a few weeks to even consider the whole ordeal again; labour was a little harder knowing what was in store this time around, and her head was large.




But looking into her eyes and sweet little face, it was instantaneous thinking that every pain and emotional challenge was absolutely worth it.




And so now I feel for my sister-in-law. Even though she really does look like the cutest pregnant lady in the pictures, the tenth month is not fun. Whether it is your first pregnancy or your seventh, I'm sure it is all just as horrible.

I hope for her sake that the baby makes its way before the induction date. And if not, then at the very least, that it comes quickly and easily.

Happy Mother's Day!